He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We are all done wearing pants today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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