Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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