I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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