I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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