Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
