I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
