Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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