True but thats because hes a fetus.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
