Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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