I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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