help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
