I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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