happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
