I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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