I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
