Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
