"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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