Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
