She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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