Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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he fucked my hip out of place.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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