i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
