This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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