Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
