Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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