i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
