chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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