i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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