I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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