I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
