Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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