i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
