I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
