Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
