1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
