it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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