It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize