When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
