You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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