your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
