I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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