I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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