If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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