so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
