You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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