In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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