I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
