she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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