11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
