Welp...herpes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
