If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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