Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
