i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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