i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So here I am, sexting at work.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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