I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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