dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
