dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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