My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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