hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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