Do you still have your period?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
