and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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