I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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