Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
