I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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