Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
