Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
