Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
