Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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