Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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