last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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