I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
