When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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