I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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