dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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