I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
