There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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