I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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