Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
