He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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